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The chug-a-lug churning of trestle trains -
sulfur spewing in darkness and dusky domains
wheels whipping wildly - sonorous sounds,
hurtling haphazardly and grazing the ground.
While cars carelessly trace the track,
passengers patiently bracing their backs
and daydreaming about destinations.
December Form Challenge, 2012 :iconkiwi-damnation::iconprojectdfc:


The Alliterisen (Complex and Rhyming), a form created by Udit
Bhatia, is a simple seven-lined poem with a specific syllable
pattern and two alliterations per line.
For example: Glorious Graves, and wonderful waves.
1st line- x syllables
2nd line- x+2 syllables
3rd line- x-1 syllables
4th line- (x+2)-1 syllables
5th line- x-2 syllables
6th line- (x+2)-2 syllables
7th line- x syllables

It does not have to rhyme.


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Add a Comment:
 
:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What an excellent job you did with this!! :star:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks very much. I appreciate it!
Reply
:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student Writer
Very nice use of sound here. I love the flow and the seemingly flawless transitions from rhythm to rhythm.

Thank you for sharing,
Tristan Cody.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks very much!
Reply
:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Writer
My pleasure!
Reply
:iconvillenueve:
Villenueve Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful work dearest!
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks. This challenge is keeping me very busy!
Reply
:iconrainyskyz:
RainySkyz Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012   Writer
Very nice! This is a style that would be one I could do. And seem to do in some of my poetry, although not in a set format as this. I love the way you rhymed it, too.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks, love. Alliteration is a great technique.
Reply
:iconwaywardgypsy:
WaywardGypsy Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
WOW this is fantastic! I love what you have done here nice job!
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks! I think my favorite thing about poetry is sound...
Reply
:iconwaywardgypsy:
WaywardGypsy Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the music of poetry gives it form.
Reply
:iconthesilverdissolved:
thesilverdissolved Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is very, very nice!
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks! I reworked it from the original.
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It flows so nicely.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Your support means a great deal to me. All my thanks, lovely lady.
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Most welcome. Still my favourite poet/writer after all these years on here.
Reply
:iconthedorsai:
TheDorsai Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Regardless, your poem definitely left me breathless. I liked it a lot.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks!
Reply
:iconthedorsai:
TheDorsai Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I read this piece over maybe a dozen times because something seemed off to me. I think if you were trying for complete sentences/connected thoughts, then your sentence structure is slightly off. If you weren't, disregard this.

Before:
The chug-a-lug churning of trestle trains - sulfur spewing in darkness and dusky domains wheels whipping wildly - sonorous sounds, hurtling haphazardly and grazing the ground. While cars carelessly trace the track, passengers patiently bracing their backs and daydreaming about destinations.

After:
The chug-a-lug churning of trestle trains: sulfur spewing in darkness, dusky domains, and wheels whipping wildly. Sonorous sounds, hurtling haphazardly and grazing the ground. While cars carelessly trace the track, passengers patiently brace up their backs and daydream about far destinations.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Professional Writer
I would need to see your suggestion in actual verse form, due to the specific meter and rhyme scheme
Reply
:iconthedorsai:
TheDorsai Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It maintains your syllable guide.

The chug-a-lug churning of trestle trains:
sulfur spewing in darkness, dusky domains, and
wheels whipping wildly. Sonorous sounds,
hurtling haphazardly and grazing the ground.
While cars carelessly trace the track,
passengers patiently brace up their backs
and daydream about far destinations.

Though, damn, it does mess up the first rhyme.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Professional Writer
Yeah, plus I do not like breaking on and. I tend to use fragments a lot anyway. Thanks for the suggestion
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012   Writer
I think if this form had to rhyme, I would've given up. :giggle:

Great job on this one! I love the sounds of the alliteration... it's so easy to get too sing-song-y with so much of it, but you handled it brilliantly, as expected. :D
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
The one I wrote last year did not. I wanted to try it with rhyme this time.
Reply
:iconshades-of-lethe:
Shades-Of-Lethe Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Outrageously fantastic, Brendan!! This is perfect! :heart:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks! I love alliteration!
Reply
:iconshades-of-lethe:
Shades-Of-Lethe Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You are a master of alliteration, Brendan - and not only! :iconwhiteroseplz:
Reply
:iconsweediesart:
SweediesArt Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Brilliant!
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks!
Reply
:iconsweediesart:
SweediesArt Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're very welcome:heart::hug:
Reply
:iconaldwarke:
aldwarke Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Sorry, I didn't make myself clear. I was asking if there should be an alliteration at the end of each sentence as well. I've got this into my head from somewhere, I don't know where. I'm getting pedantic, I fear.
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ha! Good!
This form would be a natural for me. I tend to use alliterations all the time. :)
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional Writer
I love them!! Many thanks for your support.
Reply
:iconaldwarke:
aldwarke Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
I expected to see some double word alliterations at the beginning and ending of each sentence or have I got the wrong verse form in my head?
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Professional Writer
You are correct...thanks for pointing it out. There is one final change to be made...plus some more tweaking.
Reply
:iconaldwarke:
aldwarke Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Thanks for your kind reply. To tell you the truth I had my heart in my mouth when I wrote to you.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Professional Writer
No need for that. I appreciate and welcome educated critique. What I cannot abide is when people who know nothing about literature or the craft of writing tell me things like, "You must capitalize and use punctuation".
Reply
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