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Submitted on
April 29, 2012
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The sickening slam-dunk
his heart made
when it hit the floor
like a soft boiled egg -
so she scooped it up
and fed it lovingly to the bird,
wondering why the litter pan
had not been emptied
and the kitchen smelled of sweat.
Her husband took up
too much room
she decided,
along with the credenza
stuffed in the closet.
She couldn't get the vacuum
round them both.

and his shadow was eating up
too much daylight.
NaPoWriMon 4/29/12
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:iconcompleteaccident:
completeaccident Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014
God, this is crushing and fantastic.
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:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Professional Writer
I tend to focus on what crushes - the good and the bad. And thank-you.
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:iconafter-eden:
After-Eden Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe, this poem comes off as rather horrifying at the end for me. I imagine his body parts taking up too much space in the closet and the wife literally feeding a bird his heart..
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:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Professional Writer
That is delightfully gruesome!
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the only thing i really have to criticize is the flow at the beginning.

"The sickening slam-dunk
his heart made
when it hit the floor
like a soft boiled egg -
so she scooped it up"

it sounds like you are going to say something about the sickening slam dunk- not his heart. does that make sense?

i would try to word it more like, "his heart made a sickening slam dunk- (rest of the lines)" maybe less confusing that way?

otherwise- perfect. [:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks. You are right...it has a few flow problems.
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
but like i said- other than that little bit- it's perfect. :D
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:icontheatregeekmania:
theatregeekmania Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Student Writer
So creepy - but in the most fantastic way. Love it.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks - I appreciate it very much!
Reply
:iconamazinglyashlynn13:
amazinglyashlynn13 Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
O_O. Wow. This was really awesome. -slow clap-
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