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The sickening slam-dunk
his heart made
when it hit the floor
like a soft boiled egg -
so she scooped it up
and fed it lovingly to the bird,
wondering why the litter pan
had not been emptied
and the kitchen smelled of sweat.
Her husband took up
too much room
she decided,
along with the credenza
stuffed in the closet.
She couldn't get the vacuum
round them both.

and his shadow was eating up
too much daylight.
NaPoWriMon 4/29/12
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:iconcompleteaccident:
completeaccident Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014
God, this is crushing and fantastic.
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:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Professional Writer
I tend to focus on what crushes - the good and the bad. And thank-you.
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:iconafter-eden:
After-Eden Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe, this poem comes off as rather horrifying at the end for me. I imagine his body parts taking up too much space in the closet and the wife literally feeding a bird his heart..
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:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Professional Writer
That is delightfully gruesome!
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the only thing i really have to criticize is the flow at the beginning.

"The sickening slam-dunk
his heart made
when it hit the floor
like a soft boiled egg -
so she scooped it up"

it sounds like you are going to say something about the sickening slam dunk- not his heart. does that make sense?

i would try to word it more like, "his heart made a sickening slam dunk- (rest of the lines)" maybe less confusing that way?

otherwise- perfect. [:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks. You are right...it has a few flow problems.
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
but like i said- other than that little bit- it's perfect. :D
Reply
:icontheatregeekmania:
theatregeekmania Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Student Writer
So creepy - but in the most fantastic way. Love it.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks - I appreciate it very much!
Reply
:iconamazinglyashlynn13:
amazinglyashlynn13 Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
O_O. Wow. This was really awesome. -slow clap-
Reply
:icondarknessoverme666:
darknessoverme666 Featured By Owner May 2, 2012
out with the old , in with the new!
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Professional Writer
Exactly!
Reply
:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner May 1, 2012  Student Writer
The last two lines are perfect here.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Professional Writer
I am glad you like it - thanks very much.
Reply
:iconjimfleming:
jimfleming Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012
bitch....:)
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Professional Writer
*Laughs* I should do one from his perspective!
Reply
:iconjimfleming:
jimfleming Featured By Owner May 22, 2012
YES! :)
Reply
:iconaimofwakingistodream:
Oh wow. This poem is just. Gorgeous. The heart hitting the floor like a soft boiled egg--wonderful! Perfect image! I got this fantastic picture of what was happening, what it sounded like, and how messy it was.

I also like the simple language and the short, yet broken up, sentences you use. However, on a reread, that first sentence, which goes from "The sickening..." to "kitchen smelled of sweat" broke from the pattern of the last two. It was a bit wordy. I thought maybe you might want to try to break it up, even if only with white space or making two sentences out of it. But really, this is just something picky, because this poem is so lovely! A really nice job.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks very much for the suggestion!
Reply
:iconaimofwakingistodream:
Of course! Again, a beautiful poem. Love it more every time I read it.
Reply
:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful, especially that last line. Just brilliant.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Professional Writer
I am glad you like it - thanks very much.
Reply
:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconcelestial22:
Celestial22 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012
Agreed. The last line is brilliant.
Reply
:iconlancelotprice:
LancelotPrice Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012
That reminds me of someone I know who has a fetish for cleanliness and control. The cleanliness is only one of several expressions of the need for security through control.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Just your average OCD fiend. *Smiles*
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That is beautifully horrible. You have such a way with words, and can make something so terrible sound gorgeous.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks! I think there truly is some sort of beauty in the horrible. Well, in some of it. Murder of childrenand war...no.
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very true. Beauty is all around us, and can be seen in everything. Except the things you mentioned. :)
Reply
:iconneneplayswithpaper:
Neneplayswithpaper Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2012
Delightfully macabre.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 2, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks very much -I appreciate it!
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the honeymoon is totally over,
[sometimes men just get in the way],
she needs a new one to roll in the clover,
make him think he's king for a day.

the man should never get too comfy;
neither should she, as far as that goes.
"i pledge to never take thee for granted"
should be part of the wedding vows.

[a quicky poem]

[this is the only 'quicky' i can have anymore] :rofl:

come to think of it, that's not funny :O
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Professional Writer
*Laughs* I somehow doubt that! I think I want you to write a limerick...
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"...then they argued all night
as to who had the right
to do what, and with which,
and to whom."

very 'un-PC', but it's the best
limerick i've ever heard.

i assume you remember the
first two lines?
Reply
:iconrestlesssands:
RestlessSands Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2012
pip! hahaha
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner May 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:ashamed:
Reply
:iconpaperdreamerart:
PaperDreamerArt Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2012  Hobbyist
"...sickening slam-dunk his heart made when it hit the floor like a soft boiled egg" ...I imagined it would sound like that. ;)

A lovely dark satire.

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:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks! I had in mind one of those soft, sludgy and smearing sounds.
Reply
:iconpaperdreamerart:
PaperDreamerArt Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Hobbyist
You are welcome!

I really enjoy reading your poetry whenever I have the time.
Reply
:iconcourtneyparker77:
CourtneyParker77 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Almost sounds like the husband is a ghost and his memory is what's bothering her. Either that, or she wants a divorce.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Professional Writer
I had not really made up my mind as to whether he was dead or alive. I rather like the idea of his ghost...
Reply
:iconcourtneyparker77:
CourtneyParker77 Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
So do I.
Reply
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