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I watch your kite disappearing -
slowly slipping through your fingers
like a defiant act of love.

The laurel wreaths I crowned you with -
sweet Adonis to a maid,
shivering on your cool, wet skin.

I said that I could set you free

but you never would believe me.
December Form Challenge, 2012 :iconkiwi-damnation::iconprojectdfc:


The Indriso is an Italian form that is similar to the sonnet except its structure
features two 3 line stanzas (terzains) and two 1 line stanzas. It is meant to
have a melodic flow like a song and combine this with the punchy one line
statements.

Wordsmiths Literature Site: [link]
Artsmith Magazine: [link]
This Disturbing Magic: [link]
Facebook [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconoviedomedina:
oviedomedina Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
Excellent!
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:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional Writer
Many thanks. I appreciate it!
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lovely <3
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional Writer
Many thanks. I appreciate it!
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
of course!
Reply
:iconvillenueve:
Villenueve Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful!:hug:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks very much - I appreciate it!
Reply
:iconzenscout:
ZenScout Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

for me, you teach with the immensity of the sea of words
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Professional Writer
That is very nice of you - many thanks for those kind words.
Reply
:iconbeyondjen:
BeyondJen Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, that's a fantastic quote, and I'm going to say "ditto" to your comment of being taught with Brendan's words. :nod:
Reply
:iconbeyondjen:
BeyondJen Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Great form and I really liked the imagery.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks - I appreciate it! I want it to be longer somehow....
Reply
:iconbeyondjen:
BeyondJen Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think it reads wonderfully as is. You leave our minds wondering what the untold story is, but that allows us to play with it more in our own heads and hearts. But, if it feels incomplete, perhaps a second version that expands the story? Maybe a prequel? Whatever you decide, I think this stands well on its own.
Reply
:iconj0rosa:
j0rosa Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
wanting to stay ;)
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:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks - I appreciate it!
Reply
:iconsekt7:
SekT7 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
This sounds way too much like my current situation...
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
I hope it improves...
Reply
:iconsekt7:
SekT7 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Well the thing is I'm done playing little love games for now. I'm serving time in the military, finding Her again, and once I'm done and settled in I'll try again.
Reply
:iconskullkid43:
Skullkid43 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Very freeing,in a sense.Its calming.Well done yet again:clap:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Many thanks - I appreciate it!
Reply
:iconskullkid43:
Skullkid43 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Your Welcome:)
Reply
:iconshades-of-lethe:
Shades-Of-Lethe Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This poem definitely has a melodic flow, Brendan - and it is absolutely captivating!! I love the symbolic use of imagery throughout this wonderful read! :heart:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks. I would like to rework it into something longer.
Reply
:iconlovesonnetxvii:
lovesonnetxvii Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
beautifully strung words :) You are my modern day Pablo Neruda :)
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Wow - that is very high praise! Thanks!
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like that you're doing this challenge. Get to read so much work from you and of course I favourite every one basically, that tells you something. You are awesome.
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
*Smiles* You have been a great support during this - thanks so much!
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Deserved so...and you're welcome.
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart::heart:
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks. I wanted to do it in iambic pentameter, but...
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Meh, maybe next time. :)
Reply
:iconcygam-7:
Cygam-7 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012   Traditional Artist
Beautiful and subtle imagery :)
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks very much. It seems incomplete to me...
Reply
:iconcygam-7:
Cygam-7 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012   Traditional Artist
It doesn't sound incomplete when read aloud, yet one does question why she is melancholy....
Reply
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